Obsession

I have developed a new and awful obsession. Make that two. Two new obsessions.

Weighing myself constantly...the awful obsession. I gain, I lose, I gain, I lose - usually only a pound or two...but still. I have never ever in my life weighed myself as much as I have in the last 25ish weeks. My motto used to be - If I like the way I look, why weigh myself? But now, motto is out the window and weight gain is obviously in. Sometimes it's fun to weigh myself, and then go poo - and weigh myself again. I usually lose 2-3 pounds. Might sound gross to you, but exciting for me.
As I had mentioned, weight is not my only obsession. Lotion is my second. Lovely, moisturizing, cocoa butter lotion. At least 2 times a day do I rub my obsession all over my huge belly, and other areas that I have heard are popular with the stretch marks.
I don't want stretch marks!!!! So I will be loading up on the lotion and NOT scratching until I have this little boy. Except for, for about a week or so, I've been using a new lotion and I love it big time. But, BUT, it started giving me itchy rash...I haven't used it as much because it hurts my skin and makes it sooo itchy. But it keeps me really moisturized...what a dilemma.

My baby, of course, is another one of my obsessions - I just can't play with him yet...so not much to report.
He kicks and punches me a lot though. And I mean A LOT!!
I told Jeremy that I'm pretty sure I'll be having a big baby. I wouldn't be surprised with an 8 pounder. My mom had pretty big babies. Alan and Alex were both 10ish pounds. Alex was almost 11...right? I'll ask my mom to make sure. But Tommy was the smallest and he was 7 pounds-ish. So we'll see what kind of fat babies I bring into this world.
And don't get me wrong - I wouldn't mind a fat, chunky, HEALTHY baby. I would love it. I just worry about the pain it will cause to get him here. Oh how I worry about delivery.
I'm taking a pregnancy class at school, and we watched a birthing video this week. GROSS. Gross, gross, gross, GROSSSSS! That is and will never be something beautiful to me. The amazing part is when the sperm finds the egg - and how out of all the millions and millions of sperm, my baby was the one to find and fertilize the egg. He is already one special baby. And that is what amazes me and makes me love what my body can do. How it can make another human just like that - my body and the baby both know what they are doing and that is something beautiful.
But when they baby is coming out and they're all goopy and bloody and slimy and...ew. Not NOT beautiful. If I ever have to watch another one of those videos after I have squirt, I know I won't feel any different - except for a little impressed and proud of myself for being able to do it. I had not good feelings after watching a baby come out of somewhere so small...Not that I would change being pregnant - I would just change the way squirt gets here. Suggestions: Magic? Snap of the fingers? Wink of an eye? Twitch of the nose? Clap of the hands?
I could think of tons of different ways to get my son here other than the "recommended" way.
I'll see how fervent my prayers are in the next 15 weeks to see if the birthing process could change.
Keep your fingers crossed!