Love you long time

Dearest Aiden,

Hi sweets.

Sometimes I wonder how old you are, or where you're sitting, or who you're with - when you finally get to read these letters.

Maybe you wonder where I am at this very moment - the moment that I'm writing this to you.

I'm sitting in the living room, of our 2 bedroom apartment in Rexburg. It's Sunday night - and the cowboys are playing the redskins right now. Sad to say, our boys are losing baby. It's a day after your 3 month birthday. That's right, you are finally here! I have just given you a bath, fed you, and put you to sleep. So I wont be holding you again until about 3 in the morning. I'll check on you about half a million times before I go to sleep though, don't you worry. I'm also thinking about you - a usual past time. I often think about things I want to say to you, especially once you can really understand me. When I look at you, I'm inspired and full of this wonderful emotion I can't understand or explain. There is so much I want to tell you, but I usually just end up kissing you and saying, "I love you."

You have become my everything. (You and dad, of course.) There isn't a thought that you aren't in. There isn't a thing that I won't do for you. Can you believe that I love you with a love so strong that only Heavenly Fathers love is stronger? And it isn't because you have wooed me with your words, or have bought me fancy things, taken me out to elegant places, or have promised to be good to me as long as we both live. You don't talk, but every noise you make follows applauds and smiles. You don't walk, you don't tell jokes, you don't clean my house, you don't run my errends - but somehow, I still find myself loving you more than anyone who could do those things.
The love I have for you is so different, not the way I fell in love with your dad. Dad and I met and liked the way each other looked. We talked, and we liked each others personalities. We made each other laugh - we did things for each other. When I kissed him, he kissed me back. When I hugged him, he hugged me back. I fell in love with him little by little, until it became this eternal love that will never end and always grow.
But with you...you are different. I instantly loved you, before I even got to see you. For 9 months you stretched out my skin and beat my insides. And then for 13 hours, you put me through labor - the worst pain that I have ever felt in my entire life. For 3 months now, I have been deprived of sleep, most days food, and some days even my sanity. BUT, when I first met you - through the goop and blood, I loved the way you looked. And although you can't talk - I absolutely love and know your personality. You don't tell jokes, but I laugh when you laugh - I actually laugh quite often. When I kiss you, you don't kiss back. When I hug you, you don't hug back. Your dad and I do absolutely everything someone else could do for another - but somehow I feel like you do more for me than anyone else ever has. I didn't fall in love with you little by litte - it was this huge load of love dumped on me the second I knew you exsisted, and it still grows everyday.

If kisses hadn't been invented yet, I would have concoted them - only to be able to kiss those chubby cheeks.
If hugs were not yet around, I would have brought them about - only to bring you closer to me, and hold you in the most comforting way possible.

I want the best possible things for you Aiden. I want you to always be happy. I don't want you to never experience pain or suffering. I want you to learn and grow. I want you to know and remember that I only want whats best for you. (so listen to me!) :)

I'm so excited for every stage in your life - and hopefully I will be able to continue sharing each one with you in a way that you will be able to feel as if though you also remember them.

I love you, with all my heart.

Love,

Me